Learning from our mistakes is what we are on this earth to do. Without learning from the mistakes we make we do not grow into stronger, more mature and all round better human beings. We will all have that one event in life that was our hardest moment to get through, but that has brought us out of our inconspicuous and invisible shells that have kept us held down for so long.
Some may think it unfortunate to be self aware, because seeing and feeling everything more acutely can be painful, but it also gives us clarity and reverence towards each situation, which in itself helps us to realise and transform faster than would be possible without awareness.
This song was written about a relationship that ended years ago, but since performing it the meaning for me has stayed relevant to so many varied situations. Lessons never just come up once. They continue to come back, perhaps disguised as different figures, until we can eventually understand the root of the issue and take action to change our reactions to the ongoing triggers.
Since I have been singing this song on repeat for the last few months, I was reminded of one thing I heard years ago that helped me;
‘What would someone who loved themselves do?’
Disrespecting oneself can come in so many forms. Under appreciating ourselves for the talents we have, the positive effect we have on others, our importance and our uniqueness in the world, seem to be things a lot of people struggle with.
When faced with a tricky situation ask yourself ‘what would someone who loved and respected themselves do?’ This gives us time to think, take a deep breath and come into our bodies to really listen to our intuition. Most of the time when we are disrespecting ourselves it is because we are acting out of fear. When we take a second to think we give ourselves the option to make a choice instead of acting on autopilot.
One of my downfalls is that I go for men who aren't ready for relationships, and I find it hard to give breathing space. Even when they tell me what they want I ignore it and try to reverse it, only to cause myself more pain. I feel the fear of abandonment when someone doesn't text me back for a few days, when someone leaves a party first, I take it as a personal attack and want to make myself feel secure by making everything seem ok again. It totally destabalises me and turns me into someone that I am not, a needy, clingy wreck. Luckily, I have learnt enough now to hide those unstable emotions from new people, but its still an exhausting whirlwind of panic inside my body and mind. A couple of times my legs have been walking somewhere that I know I don't want to go, but I feel like nothing in the world can stop me.
I discovered the root of this is that my mum went back to work sooner than I would have liked when I was a baby, which causes me to panic when people leave my life, or even just need some space. It is irrational, but these things always are, and everybody has one! I have found we can gather more understanding when we pinpoint the root cause. These things become habits the longer we spend allowing them to take us over, but we are in control.
Next time you are unsure, take yourself to the toilet, for a walk and ask yourself outloud, ‘what would someone who loved themselves do?’ You will know the answer, and then put that into action.
We can read a million self help books and speak a million mantras and affirmations telling us that we’re amazing and that we love ourselves, but we must match them with action otherwise we are an empty echo in a cold tunnel. We must embody, and practice what we preach.
Needless to mention, that when we respect and love ourselves, we have an environment of people who love and respect us back, as that is what we demand by being strong within ourselves. You are worth preserving, you have something to offer, only give your energy to something that is worth your time, something or someone that you know respects you in the way that you deserve.
To listen to the song this blog post is written about, click on ‘Music’ and see the ‘Warriors’ E.P. You can also find it on iTunes, Spotify, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to your tunes!